At some time in our life, each of us will need to midwife someone we love through their grief. At another time we will need to be held through ours. In life we take turns loving, grieving, and holding each other along the way.

We all have the capacity to be a true companion and embrace the suffering of someone we care about, helping them to heal. Anyone can learn this. In teaching, I created an acronym to help learn by heart four basic premises for support. It speaks to the SALT in Tears.

For one who is grieving, being seen validates and makes real their experiences. If you can simply see them, without acting on the urge to alter or fix them in some way, the gift you give is freedom - a luxurious spaciousness in which they can uncover their own strength, resilience, and creative responses to life.

Grief is unpredictable. Each persons response to loss is as unique as their fingerprint. As a companion, if you can allow them the freedom to do whatever they need, without adding your worry, fear or criticism, you will offer them a gift of immeasurable value - the freedom to be who they are, and to respond to their loss as they desire.

If the person who is grieving needs to talk, and if they choose to do it with you, listen generously. Be still. Don't interrupt, even through periods of silence. Breathe deeply through your own discomfort if silence is hard to handle. Give them all the space and time they need to let the deeper words come to the surface and be spoken - and sometimes there are no words. Your presence itself is enough to qualify as generous listening.

Within us lies everything we need to heal. Given any kind of safe and nurturing environment, we heal. If you can trust this process, your care will not be contaminated with worry but, rather, it will offer a sense of confidence in their resilience. It will help them have faith in themselves, if only a morsel, even in their darkest hour.